Introduce Pause
One my favorite thoughts of all times is
“Between the stimulus and the response there is a space. In this space lies our freedom”
Let’s take it apart.
Imagine a stimulus - Let’s say your kid got arrested for drunk driving. What would your habitual response be? I imagine a stern parent saying:
You are grounded!
I’m so disappointed!
How could you do this to me?
….. Right?
Let’s now imagine this same parent decide to take a mindful break so that instead of reacting, they can respond.
Here are a few positive thoughts:
Oh thank god they didn’t cause an accident.
So good they got caught doing this early in their driving career instead of developing a habit.
So grateful for the authority to teach my kid about the consequences!
Now I get to be the good guy and support them through the rough times.
The thinker of THESE thoughts will have a very different response to their child.
How can I support you?
Was there an underlying cause to you getting drunk?
What’s going on underneath?
Here are some other solutions…
These are some things you can do next time instead….
and so on.
Action does not imply a singular reaction. There is an infinite field of solutions out there - the key is to know how we can access them.
So what are some ways of introducing a pause?
1. Gain yourself some time.
2. Turn your phone off. Refrain from texting and schedule a call or meeting the next day.
3. Do something that connects you to your body. Go for a run, swim, take a yoga class, meditate, paint.
4. Take long and conscious breaths.
5. Imagine having both the prosecutor and the defendant in your head. Try to come up with arguments for both sides.
6. When ready to engage, remember intelligence speaks, wisdom listens. Listen.
Good luck introducing the pause and let me know how it went.