How to control your inner control freak

Let’s I discuss controllers. Controllers are those of us who sabotage themselves by trying to control everything in life. 

You know you have a controller if you:

- You get anxious if you can’t control situations. 

- You get impatient if you can’t control people. Get short with people
- You feel connected to others when in competition or conflict 

- Push people beyond their comfort zone

- Others feel intimidated by you

- Don’t understand why other peoples feelings get hurt

- People find your communication style angered or aggressive

Controller has us believing that things have to be controlled or otherwise nothing will ever get done. Or that If we don’t control others, they will control us. The truth is that controlling ways do get temporary results, at a cost… Others who are being controlled get resentful and they turn off their creativity and motivation. The anxiety generated by controller influences everyone around them negatively. Life cannot be controlled and if it was it would be boring. Controller’s need to be right ultimately robs them of experiencing life open-heartedly and from learning that comes from diversity. 

If you have a controller in you, here are some useful tips:

1. Whenever you feel the urge to control others - instead focus on controlling your own mind to serve you in a positive way. 

2. Notice when your controller is activated - what is it trying to protect. Let yourself feel that feeling. 

3. Ask people around you what could you do for them to be able to do their best. 

4. Share something vulnerable with someone. It will help you connect through positive emotions rather than hostility.

Underlying strengths that those of us with the controller saboteur are confidence, decisivenes and orientation towards action. An ability to do the right thing even if unpopular. When overused these qualities bring us excessive anxiety and feeling of being rejected or separate from others.