A single thing that I wish I learned much earlier in life is that I didn’t have to believe my thoughts. The faster you realize that what you are thinking and feeling is not the only way to think and feel about reality, the faster you can create the life you want.

Here comes my most favorite tool ever - the thought model. I’m going to explain it to you using a real life example. 

Imagine that Jane suffers a setback. She didn’t get the promotion she wanted. Naturally she might think to herself: I am not good enough, that’s why I didn’t get it. Any of you ever had this thought?  Most of us can understand why she would feel that way. Let’s do a thought model using this common negative thought. 

The Circumstance is: no promotion.

Jane’s thought that follows is: Im not good enough. 

Now how does Jane feel when she believes this thought: let’s assume that she feels sad or angry, like the world is against her.  

Next step is to find out what are the actions Jane takes when she feels this way? Perhaps withdraw and watch netflix on the couch. 

What would be results of these actions: Jane feels even worse because now she is hiding on the couch and not being in the world and her self esteem plummets. 

Un-Intentional (Current) Thought Model:

You might believe that this is a reasonable way of coping. I’d like to give you a different way. 

Same circumstance, no promotion. Instead of dwelling in negative thoughts, let’s help Jane DESIGN the results she would like to have. Perhaps to get the promotion next time or land even better job. Think hard and really find what kind of results you would like. Careful what you wish for, there is a chance that you will get them. 

We are in the design space, so I encourage Jane to put her emotions and thoughts away for a second, and concentrate on what she wants to get. 

Now that Jane figured out her desired result: even better job, think what actions would help her get this result?

Again, this is time to stay rational, stay logical. Some actions for her would  be working on her resume or applying for dream job. 

Now we are going to design some emotions. I’d ask Jane - How do you need to feel in order to be working on your resume? 

Perhaps calm. Perhaps confident. Perhaps assured that she will find her perfect job that she will love. She doesn’t have to feel this way yet, we are only discovering here what she would need to feel to be able to act. 

Ok, now this is the last step, maybe the trickiest. What thoughts (that she can believe) does she need to have in order to feel this way. What thought will make Jane feel calm? What is the tiniest possible thought that will help her feel assured that you will get the dream job?

Notice that if she choose a thought that says “I can get my dream job”, it might be hard for her to actually believe it. I’d encourage Jane to choose a smaller thought. An example would be: “Maybe If I’m persistently showing up and applying there is no way that nothing will come out of it all.” Or “If I discuss my resume enough times with potential employers I’ll know exactly how to improve it and where to invest in myself. “

Key here is to find small positive thoughts that will help Jane float,  so she doesn’t drown in her negative thoughts and feelings. And once she has a small thought float her, she will be able to get on board of another boat, a bigger thought. 

Notice something super important about this thought model I’m showing you.  The circumstances that Jane is in are not at all a part of the model. We didn’t have to adjust the C line. It does not matter what is happening outside. All that matters is how you decide to perceive it. 

Intentional thought creation takes practice. Use the below worksheet I created for you to tackle your unproductive thoughts and let me know how it went. 

Intentional (designed) Thought Model:

Worksheet:

(printable download)

First we will map your current, un-intentional thought pattern. It is important because it shows us the price we pay for thinking and feeling in un-intentional ways.

What is a circumstance you are working with? Circumstance is objective, so instead of saying “high monthly payments”, say 3K payments. Instead of putting “I’m FAT” in your C-line, specify how much you weigh.

C: Circumstance ……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..

What is a thought around it? This is where you would put “I think I’m FAT” & “I have to work all the time in order to pay this bill”

T: Thought ….……………………………..……….…………………………..……………………………..……………………………..

How do you feel when you believe this thought?

F: Feeling ……………………………..………………….………………………..……………………………..……………………………..

What are your actions when you feel this way?

A: Action ……………………………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..

What are the results of these actions?

R: Results ……………………………..……………………………………….…..……………………………..……………………………..

Second part is to create our Intentional model. You can start creating this model from any line. It’s easiest to design it from Result line because often we can easily imagine what we would like to have in our life. Also we can start from Feeling line by imaging how you would like to feel about something. Always stay very specific and do a separate thought model for every result, you might end up with multiple models.

Circumstance stays the same.

C: Circumstance ……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..

What is the result you would like to have?

R: Result ……………………………..……………………………………….…..……………………………..……………………………..

What action would you take to get this result?

A: Action ……………………………………………..……………………………..……………………………..……………………………..

How would you need to feel to be able to take this action?

F: Feeling ……………………………..………………….………………………..……………………………..……………………………..

What is a single small believable thought that would allow you to feel this way?

T: Thought ….……………………………..……….…………………………..……………………………..……………………………..