Edge Joy vs. Happiness

I always just wanted to be happy. At the end of the rainbow happiness seemed like a place where I’m going to arrive once I get my ducks in order. When I’m finally not broken and whole I will be happy. But it always seemed unattainable. If this sounds familiar, I have good news for you. 

There is no such thing. EVER. 

But how is this good news? Let me use an example from athletic performance. When you reach a certain level at your sport, let it be triathlon or yoga, a certain level where you OWN your practice (it does not work when you are forced to exercise or begrudgingly resign yourself to doing a few minutes on your stationary bike), something interesting happens. 

You no longer want this to end quickly and be easy. You are ok with the amount of effort you are putting in, but you want to up your game, do longer runs, fight tougher opponents or if you ask me… do harder rock climbs. It’s not a game of looking for comfort, or being comfortable. We learn is to be ok being uncomfortable and we are now looking to up-level our performance. We park ourselves right at the edge of what we perceive possible with our body and mind, and we train to push that edge further and further. In other words we start camping out right on our edge, and as we put continuous effort, we push the edge further. Any of you who is an athlete will agree. If you are not an athlete you can still try it. Set a routine for yourself to do an activity for 20 minutes every day and do it for a year. Some of you will quit but only because of your own resistance, those of you will benefit most with learning how to manage your negative emotions in life. Those of you who won’t quit, I guarantee will extend the 20 workout time, or make the workout gradually harder. Evolution is the nature of the universe. 

Now let’s take it outside of sports. We think that if the things were the way we want them we would feel happiness. Nothing like this. When things are just the way we want them, all we want now is to expand. Got your perfect job? Now looking for a mate. Remodeled the basement? Now looking at the attic. You performed in front of 30 people... now you want 3000. Got a million followers? How about 2. 

We often feel shame about the constant wanting more. People tell us to take a moment to celebrate. That’s great… and -  it is just inevitable. Don’t shame yourself by being in accordance with the nature of the universe. Instead: learn to love the edge. 

Embrace the edge. I know the edge is uncomfortable and often we feel that we are going to die. Quitting your 9-5 to follow your passion business or leaving a relationship that doesn’t feel comfortable, no matter who you are. It is in the process of living your edge that you find the highest enjoyment. You feel most alive. Fear, uncertainty and discomfort are all natural, and not a sign that things are going wrong. We can not follow our drive, and stay safe asleep on the couch avoiding pain hoping happiness will come. But pain will get us anyways, pain of apathy and inaction.  Instead we can go and choose the edge on purpose. Because we have the capacity of changing our relationship to discomfort - we can call it… edge joy. 

I love working on this. If you would like some help transforming your relationship to your edge, give me a shout.