STOP making excuses
Think of the time you were late. Most of us make up a reason why we are late, we blame it on something external, we make up an excuse. Excuses are invented reasons for not taking action or neglecting our responsibility.
Excuse allows us to uphold a falsely higher self concept by saying “In general I’m on time person but because of the traffic or… abcd, I didn’t make it on time”
It perpetuates then the conditional self love - I only love myself when I’m on time. We try really hard to uphold a certain image in front of self and others of being better than we really are, and that drains our energy. I’m not saying here that it’s ok for you to be late all the time. What I’m saying is that by not facing the part of you that is late, and pretending that it’s not on you, you are not doing your job.
We make excuses out of fear of failure, embarrassment, but also out of fear having to actually do the hard work and succeeding in life. Excuses keep us safe in our comfort zone. Comfort zone might be comfy, yet that’s not where the greatness lives. Excuses prevent us from living our potential.
On the surface, it’s not a terrible thing to do to constantly make excuses about being late. However there is actually a big prize we pay for it. Excuses allow us to not move forward, they promote creation of self limiting beliefs such as “I’m just terrible at keeping time”. The more you tell yourself you can’t be on time, the more late you are. It is now who you are, the person that cannot be on time. Now being late became your identity. Now you stop participating in anything that requires you to be on time, which is most everything in life. Now you have constricted your comfort zone to be pretty claustrophobic! You put so much mental energy into up keeping this version of yourself that you are stopping the flow of creativity and stall out any action.
This seemingly benign excuse, becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. In other words, careful what you identify with, because you will become it.
In rock climbing circles excuse making is incredibly prolific. It is not uncommon for a climber, let’s call her Marta, to start her climbing day listing all the excuses: My shoes are old, the weather is too cold, I didn’t sleep well last night or the hold is too small. Imagine if this same Marta climber instead concentrated on her own breathing, her own footwork precision and actually letting herself try hard. Imagine how much better her climbing would be.
He who is good at making excuses is probably not good at anything else - Benjamin Franklin.
Here are some common excuses accompanied by their underlying issues.
Excuse: I don’t have the money…
Areas worth improving: Lack of desire, determination, persistence or patience needed to achieve financial security. Lacking ideas or strategy.
Solutions: Educate yourself on money management. Prioritize your spendings.
Excuse: I don’t have the time….
Areas worth improving: Time management issues, procrastination, laziness, struggle in prioritizing. Lack passion, focus, discipline, or direction.
Solutions: organize and prioritize, refocus. Do things that you are passionate about.
Excuse: I don’t have an education…
Areas worth improving: Areas worth improving: Lack of creativity, inspiration, and desire. Unwillingness work hard.
Solutions: Discover your unique strengths and try using them.
Excuse: I’m too old or too young, too fat, too...
Areas worth improving: Lack understanding, confidence or perspective.
Solutions: Look for external proof that you are wrong. Think outside the box.
Excuse: I just don’t know how…
Areas worth improving: Low confidence and low belief in self and or inadequate experience.
Solutions: Start acting. Make mistakes and progress.
Excuse: This is just how I am…
Areas worth improving: You have no reason to change, you consider change uncomfortable.
Solutions: Increase the pain of being where you are. Pain will give you a reason to change.
Excuse: I’m afraid to fail…
Areas worth improving: Understanding that the most successful ones have failed the most. Obstacles, challenges, and problems automatically appear when you are in action to achieve your goals.
Solutions: Fail.
Excuse: It’s just not the right time…
Areas worth improving: There is always something that is not perfect. You won’t know what you need to learn until you start.
Solutions: Take the smallest possible step.
Excuse: It just won’t work…
Consideration: As long as you believe this, you are right, there is no way it will work.
Solutions: Work on your determination, motivation, creativity, patience and self belief. Once you have those, anything will work.
Excuse: I’m not that inspired…
Areas worth improving: Lack of self care, and discipline. Lack of belief that you can make a difference in the world.
Solutions: Start taking care of yourself - body and mind. Discover that your body and mind are worth investing in and invest in them.
How to stop endless excuses:
List all the different excuses that you make.
1. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
2. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
3. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
4. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
5. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
For each excuse or set of excuses answer the following questions.
Why am I making this excuse?
This excuse is protecting me from feeling….
What in me am I protecting here?
What is the consequence of this excuse on me, my family, others?
How do this excuse prevent me from moving forward?
How does it stand in my way of accomplishing what I want?
To find out what’s an underlying cause of this excuse, ask yourself:
How badly do I really want this?