What if you were free?

As long as I can remember my cousin as an adult, has always been fat.

I can’t say I understand the entire scope of her experience, only that I know that it was a never-ending struggle. There were eating disorders, diets, times when she withdrew completely, workaholism, and more. Her life was a constant losing battle. She never imagined how she could get on top of this and she gradually lost hope. She was unwilling to try anything new in fear of yet another failure.

Her family suffered a great tragedy, the loss of a child when my cousin was 14. This happened years ago before we had tools to process trauma. And so my cousin did what everyone else in her family, froze the wound without healing it. And covered it with some pounds.

When I first started doing coaching for groups I put together a “trial” group, and my cousin was in it. By the end of our program, she became aware that she could not get to where she wanted in life without unfreezing the “dead sister trauma”. She found an EMDR and somatic trauma specialist in Poland, and even though she “didn’t really like the therapist that much” (her words), she surrendered to the healing process.

She reappeared on the other side, significantly happier, more relaxed, with a longer fuse. Also, shortly after the conclusion of her trauma therapy, she decided to give the keto diet a shot. She approached it with enthusiasm and got through the initial hardship. Every day was proof to her that she could do it. Day after day she created a new, positive relationship with her eating habits. As she was shedding weight, she also started feeling better, her long COVID symptoms went away and she was regaining her vitality.

I spoke to my cousin this week. She is radiant, she lost 30+ pounds, she looks healthy, but most importantly she feels FREE from her lifelong burden. She is born again a free person. She delights in telling me how she can choose to eat whenever and however much as long as there are no carbs involved that she is never hungry and how powerful she feels in this place.

This story is not about the keto diet. It’s about what happens when we choose to face and process what’s ours to heal.

She never used to believe this was possible. When I used to tell her it was totally in her reach, she couldn’t comprehend it. Not until it became her experience.

So here I am telling you this story in hopes that it can promote hope. No trauma is too big to heal it. The process is not painless, yet neither is sitting on top of frozen trauma. The notion that the pain will be too much to bear is a lie. We can all bring presence to our trauma and come to a new relationship to it. How much is it worth? How much was it worth for my cousin to unfreeze her relationship with her dead sister and regain her freedom? Hard to put a number on it…

I do this kind of work with my clients all the time. This work works. Here is an example that’s alive for me today:

Ben came to me because he was tired of having the same old conflict with his wife. He knew it was 50% on him, and he could even see what he was doing, that was causing this, but he couldn't stop the dance. It’s been going on for 15+ years. Same old story every day, the same harsh words, same hurt feelings, same withdrawal. His biggest fear? Getting a divorce like his parents did. Their divorce had hurt him as a child and he wants to spare his kids the same fate.

Ben did the work diligently, came to meetings, and re-watched all the sessions we recorded. There were times when it felt to him like we were going nowhere. There were times when the same old fight would break out and it seemed that we were going backwards. He persevered and came with an open mind.

We’ve been coaching for over a year now and in our session today I asked Ben to review his year. Here are some of the things he said:

- I feel like I have incredible freedom after the stimulus arrives and before I respond to it. I can choose a variety of different responses instead of the old automatic one that would always result in a fight.
- I have so many tools, and now everything that happens in life is an opportunity for me to use the tools.
- Things are good. I have so much hope for our marriage.

BAM.

There is nothing I believe more in this world than the power of awareness and self-knowledge. Only when we know what we are doing, we can change it. Coaching is one of the ways of doing it, in my opinion, the fastest. I’ve seen so many people change their lives dramatically in the course of a few months to a year.

To lose 30 pounds, to gain freedom from an addiction, to save a marriage, these are not small things.

There is no better way to spend your money. I promise you.

Ps. If you have something you would like to gain freedom from, or if you have something you would like to create but don't know how, reach out - I can help.

Marta CzajkowskaComment